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Copyright 2004 by N. Julius
Boom or Bust
Continued

The Summer of All Fears
There is another way to avoid the pitfalls and complications of those revealing summer fashions. Simply move to Chicago.

Here in the Windy City, summer has been canceled due to budgetary cut-backs. We are experiencing instead a dreary but efficient season called “sprall.” Sprall combines all the rain and stickiness of spring with the chill and darkness of fall, moderated by a handful of pleasant days to inspire false hope. If you've ever been too lazy to get a pedicure – and believe me, I am – you'll love the hearty sock weather of a sprall afternoon. With weather this crappy, those pesky tube tops and halter dresses will be little more than cruel jesters mocking you from the abandoned closet of summer expectations. But hey – it's still better than winter.

Of course, extra mammeries aside, the convertible bra doesn't address the challenge presented by backless or low-neckline styles. For these garments, there is an array of adhesive bras at your disposal. I experimented with two versions – a light-weight two-piece system and the latest gravity-defying cantilever style.

The light-weight adhesives come in pairs and are shaped, in what I'm sure is the result of extensive scientific testing, like slightly deformed fried eggs. They are applied one at a time unless you are exceptionally coordinated. The cup is applied close to the areola first and then smoothed down to the ribcage beneath each breast. Extensions reach up the sides and inner cleavage line. The cups feel like the mother of all Band-aids and they expand and contract when you breathe, leaving them all crinkly. I imagine you could achieve similar support using a roll of masking tape. In both cases, I doubt if you'd want to wear a light-weight fabric as the lines wouldn't be very flattering. Still, for a little extra support under a heavier garment the two-piece system works quite well.

The cantilever system consists of two shaped foam or silicone cups with an overall adhesive inside. Once again, the cups are applied individually and positioned according to how much cleavage you want in the finished product. Now for the revolutionary part: at the center of the two cups there is a clip, much like the fastener of a front-closing bra.
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