Like an Old Friend You Didn't Miss
Guess what? The 80s are back.
No, I'm not kidding. Apparently the fashion gods have seen fit to resurrect a decade-worth of styles most of use thought were hideous the first time around. Missed your jelly shoes? Don't worry, they've now been embellished with hard plastic heels. Loved those slouchy tops that bared just one defiant shoulder? They live, my friends. They live. I've even seen evidence that leg warmers, which did nothing for me through years of ballet classes in the actual 1980s, are due to return along with their useless cousins, arm warmers.
Just to prove I'm willing to cross any line in my quest for girlishness, I recently bought a drop-waisted lime-green tunic with thick diagonal stripes, an asymmetric hem and a scooped neckline. I even wore it out of the house, to a diner that still boasted many design elements from the same ill-fated era. I am proud to inform you all that 80s fashions are still ugly. Although perhaps it serves the greater human good to have all those people who missed out them the first time walk a mile in our heinous Candies shoes. Only then will humanity say, “never again.” |
We live in the post-casual era. First there were years of power suits and nylons. Then came the dot.com boom with its unstructured aesthetic of unisex sloppiness. Maybe that's why the latest style for the trendy woman is the over-the-top girlie look. Tops, dresses and skirts now come replete with ribbons, bows, and over-sized flower pins. It seems the hardest thing to come by these days is a shirt free from lace embellishments. Other ways to soften the lines of standard clothing include ruched necklines, gathered waistlines, sequins and ruffles or frilly layering. The girlier, the better.
I have nothing against a few girlish touches here and there, but a lot of the elements of this particular style seem to me to be a bit over the top. It took a long time for me to find a suitably toned-down version of the floral motif. I tried on dozens of tops with enormous faux flower pins. The pins inevitably seemed to droop, giving me an overall wilted look. Granted, I could've taken the pins off. But then it would've been just a regular old top, not trendy at all. Finally I stumbled on a shirt – pink, no less – with a large embroidered daisy on the front. I hate myself for wearing it, but hey – it's trendy.
The idea of ruching didn't really work for me either. I found that most of the time the detail, which is essentially a mini-gather, was placed off-center and made the shirt and its contents look lopsided. And honestly, is there anything better for your self-esteem that looking in the mirror at your uneven breasts? Yeah, didn't think so.
Worse still was the use of ruffles and layers. I couldn't find a single shirt that had a ruffle placed in a flattering position. They all seemed either to emphasize my already boxy shoulders, my breasts, or the shocking distance between the two. The frilly layers cut off my figure at the breast line and made me look pregnant. Which would be fine if I were pregnant, but I'm not.
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