Brideliness is next to... somethingness

The Diva is in the Details

Proof of Purchase
I had a job once right out of college proofreading wedding invitations. The envelopes would come back from the calligrapher and I would check them ever so carefully against a master list of names and addresses. I also had a large book from the post office so that I could check all of the ZIP codes. If I found a mistake, I would circle it with a red ball point pen and send it back to be relettered. For my trouble, I was paid $18 an hour. I can't say how much the calligrapher was paid, but I'm guessing it was significantly higher.

This was the first time I realized just how many people rely on the wedding industry for work. It goes beyond florists, photographers and caterers. Musicians, tailors, bartenders, jewelers, beauticians, printers, high school students – all of these people can find at least temporary work on the wedding circuit. Depending on the budget and size of the event, you may employ hundreds of individuals to help your wedding go off without a hitch.

Many of the charges associated with weddings, such marriage license fees and space reservations, can't be avoided. The final bill can be astronomical, often threatening to overwhelm the bride and groom. But as you search for ways to save a little money here or there, just remember that there may be an underemployed linguistics major out there who's counting on your largess.

A few months back I was invited to an engagement party for my sweetheart's sister, Amanda. As you may recall from an earlier edition, Amanda has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. While at the engagement party, Amanda produced a prototype she had constructed of the bouquet each bridesmaid will carry as they walk down the aisle. She asked for my opinion of the bouquet. In particular, she wondered, did I think the ribbon securing the flowers was the appropriate length?

Now it didn't surprise me at all that Amanda had prepared a sample bouquet in February for a wedding that will take place in December. She is an incredibly well-organized and resourceful person. What surprised me was that all of the other bridesmaids, along with other interested parties present, had firmly entrenched and well-informed opinions on the matter. It was as though your high school debate team had taken on the topic of bridesmaid bouquet ribbon length. Would the ribbons obscure the hands, they queried. Would the color of the ribbon (white) be distracting against the black bridesmaid dresses? Several potential solutions were proposed including, controversially, that the bouquets be toted with no excess ribbon at all. Meanwhile I struggled to form an opinion other than, “behold, a white ribbon.”

I'm going to guess that I'm not the only woman who has never even considered the length of a ribbon before, let alone attempted to link said ribbon length to the reception centerpieces. However, if you're going to be a bride, you have to consider all of these things and you have to make decisions about them. You will find yourself obsessed with small details that you know full-well no one will notice but you. The cost of these details will overwhelm you at times, but you will accept their necessity.

The little things become so important because they help make the wedding a personal expression. Every couple that gets married in the Western tradition will do certain things in common, such as saying vows and exchanging rings. At the same time, a wedding ceremony is supposed to reflect the values and the personality of the bride and groom. The exchange of vows formally recognizes the relationship, but doesn't necessarily acknowledge what makes the relationship worth recognizing in the first place. That's where all of the details come into play.

The details extend beyond a few flowers, encompassing every facet of the wedding's appearance. Invitations, place cards, centerpieces, silverware, dresses, hairstyles – these will compete for your attention with logistical issues such as where people from out-of-town will stay and how guests will get from the ceremony to the reception. And make no mistake. My research shows that although grooms-to-be are attentive and engaged at the beginning of the planning, they eventually drop out and leave the details to their bride. folding programs by hand and rechecking seating arrangements, all to ensure the perfect expression of your love for your intended. And perfection is, of course, the elusive goal of all girlish pursuits.

As I sat in mute awe listening to the lively discussion on bouquet ribbon, I realized that there may well be a level of girlishness that I will never reach. And in fact, I may not want to reach them. Sometimes, a ribbon is just a ribbon after all.