Brideliness is next to... somethingness

Bride Goes Before the Fall

Love Blossoms
I like flowers. Honestly, I do. I think they can really brighten up a room. But I don't know the first thing about them. I have a hard time keeping the species straight. By and large, I don't notice even them half the time. That's why I find it amazing that brides can spend time and money choosing flowers that will, after all, wither and die in a few days.

Flowers and their fixings are some of the many things that cost more when they are associated with weddings. To save money, Amanda decided to use artificial flowers for her bridesmaids and the decorations inside the wedding chapel. This brought the costs down from more than $100 to less than $25. However, she still found some things were more expensive simply by virtue of location. “If you go to a craft store and look for some ribbon, it might cost 50 cents a yard or something. But if you look in the bridal section of the same store, that exact same ribbon is 75 cents a yard.”

Cate's pragmatic response to the flower issue was simple vendor management. “I asked the florist to 'just recommend something' with the flowers we were all carrying. Upon seeing her recommendation, I cut it in half, because it was ridiculous to spend that much on something I just wanted to look nice.”

Jessica D. let me in on a little secret; some florists charge less if you use just one type of flower for everything. “I had the best time picking out the flowers,” she said. “I just really loved that.” Possibly because of the lower cost, most of the women I talked to favored simpler floral arrangements.

Of course, as you research your flower options, you should keep in mind that most of the centerpieces – vases and all – will be stolen by your guests before the end of the night. So unless you want the discomfort of watching friends shuffle out of the reception with floral arrangements up their shirts, you may want to practice the art of detachment.

When I asked Jessica M what part of the wedding process had surprised her the most, she didn't even have to think about it. “I've got two words for you,” she said. “Mystic. Tan.”

For those not in the know, Mystic Tan(sm) is the official tan of The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Let the record, show that this is the only time I ever expect to find a link between these rambunctious pompom wielders and Jessica M. The Mystic Tan process involves standing bare-ass naked in a small booth and being sprayed with a self-tanning solution. The result is a smooth bronze tone with no burning that lasts about four days. For Jess, Mystic Tan represents the moment when she fully internalized – and simultaneously externalized – the concept of brideliness. In her own words, “there is no way I would be doing this if I weren't getting married.”

It makes sense that once you've dropped a lot of money on a fancy dress, you want to spend a little time making yourself just as fancy. After all, at what other time in your life will all of your friends and family actually care what you look like? In order to take advantage of this attention, many women engage in rituals of beauty that they would never dream of doing under normal circumstances. I can empathize, as I've been subjecting myself to all manner of things in the name of girlishness for the past half year. Of course, the key difference is that I do these things so that people will laugh at me

In general, every part of the bride – even the covered bits – will get some form of attention in the days leading up to the wedding. Manicures, pedicures, massages, the odd chemical peel – all of these girlish delights go into the making of a perfect bride. The desire to get a little color is not uncommon. “I already know I'm going to tan,” Amanda told me. “I'm so pale when I put on that white dress I'm transparent.”

Some aspects of bridely appearance take almost as long to plan as the wedding itself. Jessica M. and Cate usually wear their hair fairly short, but grew it out for the occasion. Many brides will try to loose weight or tone up to look good in their dresses. Others have their teeth whitened in preparation for their “big day.”

Ultimately, though, each individual bride needs to determine what level of girlishness she is comfortable with. Amanda's hair dresser at first couldn't believe that she wasn't going to grow her hair. She has worn short hair most of her adult life and said, “I want to look good, but I also want to look like me, you know?”

Cate felt she was being “railroaded” into a full makeover and put her foot down at this prospect. “While getting the test run of the hair,” she told me, “[the people at the salon] tried to insist that getting makeup was essential. I set up a test run for that, then quickly canceled, because fuck them!”