Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your shoes!

Rocky Footing
Continued

The YoLG Shoe Usage Survey
To supplement the coverage of my meager shoe findings, I conducted another totally unscientific reader survey on shoe usage. Respondents were asked 15 questions about they shoe wearing, shopping and buying habits. The results were extremely interesting and amusing, and will be outlined in many of the articles that follow.

Each time the rest of me staged a growth spurt, the feet followed suit. Eventually they topped out between 9 ½ and 10, still flat and oddly triangular. I can scrub them for hours and they still look vaguely dirty. I think they're trying to camouflage themselves for the day when they consume the rest of my body and return to whatever primordial jungle they slunk from in the first place.

Needless to say, my intense antipathy toward my feet has colored the way that I view shoe shopping. I don't really look for style because when you have boat oars attached to you legs the last thing you want to do is draw attention to them. Comfort is essential to maintain the shaky peace between me and my lower extremities. I hate going to shoe shops with attendants because it means someone will spend time evaluating my feet and smiling that tight smile that says, “no commission will ever make up for this suffering.” So welcome to my worst nightmare; a forced march through every trendy department store in town in search of shoes me and my feet could live with.